I am not quite sure on how to start this blog out, but the emotions that are tugging on my heart are so strong I needed to share them with all of you.  First off, not knowing if I will make my money by the deadline and not being able to go is always in the back of my mind.  At first this brought me serious doubt, fear, and anger towards the Lord.  I think that saying that is hard to admit but is the truth and from my anger God has shown me amazing compassion and mercy.  I was angry that he gave me such a large task to take on that I did not know if I could accomplish.  I was angry because I felt insignificant and questioned why he was giving me such an important task to be his hands and feet in a country that is in such need of his love.  I was angry that he wanted me to do something that would make me an alien in my own home, an outcast, and a fool to many people I knew.  I was scared, and I knew that he was going to make me face every fear and insecurity I had.. and he did.  This world has relentlessly thrown me into the lions den, and God has always carried me out alive.  This trip may just be 5 months, and may be only one small step that God has planned for my life but I know that it will and has already changed my life forever.  Kicking and screaming to do things my way and ignoring Gods words that were as loud as thunder turned to whispers that I pushed away.  Yet, he picked me up and carried me.  How a God so big, so powerful and mighty could show such love to me is beyond my knowledge.  Words cant express his love for us, nor could I express how grateful I become each and every time he carries me out of that lions den.  Silly me, will I ever learn?  Although I went through this tough stage of denial about this trip, I have become alive, renewed, and am starting to understand reasons why God chose this trip for such a person as me.  While I was calling out to the Lord about the things that were heavy on my heart, God gave me a single word that has stung me and impacted me quite dearly.  What he said was, 

BE BOLD

At first this confused me.  Be bold?  God, how can I be..bold?  But God knew, and had my eyes fall upon Psalm 138:3 where it says, "When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted."  Not only did God bless me with a word, but he gave me, our team, the word to BE BOLD!  We must be bold, be courageous, and determined!  We have our Abba Father on our side, what can bring Him down? NOTHING!  I want to shout to the heavens, I want to dance and to sing and look silly in front of this crazy, loving, unconditional, never ending father!!  We may not know what Thailand is going to be like, or why God has chosen us to go, but I am confident that we were chosen to do this.  We were specifically chosen by Jesus and although he only knows what the outcome will be, I am so unbelievably blessed that I will be able to encounter him like I never have before holding hands with you girls.  Side by side, we will take on the devil AND WIN!  May our hearts be like pistols compelled with Gods love!  May we walk with grace, but authority that Gods Holy Spirit dwells within us!  I pray that God will give us the power and authority to march right up to the devil dwelling in Thailand and have him flee giving God his people that he rightfully owns.  I pray that these people in Thailand will feel Gods protection and love that they have never felt before. And lastly, I pray that us girls can be bold.  That we speak boldly with love, walk boldly with authority, and live boldly for our savior.  I already love you all so much and cant wait to hear and tell our stories that God has done in our lives! 

I'm not quite sure if you've been on http://www.stumbleupon.com before, but its great!  Anyways, I "stumbled upon," some videos that have extremely helped me somewhat understand what its like in the Red Light District!  It takes place in Calcutta and although the video is split up into six fourteen minute videos, its well worth watching!  TRUST ME!  Here is the link:

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/31NPnn/documentaryheaven.com/born-into-brothels/

Let me know what you think of it!  Also, I'm attaching a link to a worship song that I admire and I think you ladies will too!